nihilism
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Safe and Cold and Alone
Excerpts from journals dated 2/18/25 and 3/2/25 I feel alone and hunted. I feel disheveled and ungrounded. I am no longer home; I am in a den that reeks of panicked sweat where I fail to…
alone, blog, change, existential, existentialism, life, liminal, loneliness, love, meaning, mental-health, nihilism, pain, philosophy, poem, Poetry, suffering, swimming, trauma, writing -
A Nebulous Terror
How can I begin to uproot this nebulous terror which has engulfed me so gently that I hadn’t felt it until it had strangled all of the hope and joy from this great period of rebirth?…
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Behold the Man
There is something lurking which means me no harm, but wants to see me. It is the unknown demand of the future, the stage. It is the audience and cameras which demand a performance- the performance…
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Blind Commitment
When there is no right or wrong answer, there is only convenience and investment. A particularly free spirit could accommodate their own tendency to step off the plane of the world, pursuing a song true to…
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A Trick of the Light
It is easier to forgive myself for giving up hope than for struggling to find the words to wish it farewell. I would sooner be a poet than a living thing. Still, I breathe. I want…
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To the Wall, Nonetheless
When we were young together, Harry, Alice and I were entered into a play. I suppose it was something for the school, or at least I don’t recall having volunteered to join. But there we were,…
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On Writing
Edited from excerpts of 12/7/23 – Continued Thoughts on Learning What a painful and inefficient way to grow and learn it is, to be corrected by a faceless, general audience. And this is my lot because…
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A Chance Encounter
We spoke of things which I knew, and I knew everything that we discussed. Only the perspective was new. Yet afterward it was as though I understood the depth of what I knew. The ground opened…
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Grey Hairs
One should refrain from practicing philosophy until one has grey hairs. By the same nature as evolution, self-importance, acceptance of fate, self-delusion and valuation of the status quo are the tenets of worthless old men, all…
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April
I wake up angry these days. The good times come and go, and the bad times are worse as they come. I can feel myself getting older, and every new bout of depression carries the weight…
Sanctity and Constraint 