Journal
Meta and personal writing
-
Carrying the Flag
5/22/2025 I am suddenly struck with the overwhelming vision of a lifetime reading the scriptures and the thoughts of mystics from all wisdoms, with my love beside me. What a joyful life it would be to…
-
On Dorian Gray
5/19/2025 This time in my life, which has focused on my youth, aging, life goals, morality, the sensations my freedom might achieve, and sexuality, make for a reflective reading of Dorian Gray, and I admit I…
-
Here for Turkey
5/4/2025 In the woods, I think of my love in the way I assume old warriors longed for comfort when they wrote songs about returning home to beer and women. The magic of these forests, and…
-
Thoughts on Procreation
2/12/25 Am I in a place to determine that I would withhold this world from another soul, for which I am responsible? I am not responsible for any soul, let alone that of a child of…
-
Pondering a Surprise of Love
1/28/2025 I have earned my life through virtue of having lived it.I have “earned” delights in the same way that I will have earned the sufferings to come.I am bound unmoving to the tumultuous present moment.I…
-
Safe and Cold and Alone
Excerpts from journals dated 2/18/25 and 3/2/25 I feel alone and hunted. I feel disheveled and ungrounded. I am no longer home; I am in a den that reeks of panicked sweat where I fail to…
alone, blog, change, existential, existentialism, life, liminal, loneliness, love, meaning, mental-health, nihilism, pain, philosophy, poem, Poetry, suffering, swimming, trauma, writing -
A Light from Dark Shores
I don’t understand what has happened to me in the last few days. I feel like I’ve been tumbled in freezing water and dropped into place. My arms feel week, my chest is aching, I feel…
-
On Shark-Fins
I have this feeling like I am on the cusp of some greater understanding, and that I need an extended period of rumination to bring it forth. I have collected the story of Christ as it…
-
April
I wake up angry these days. The good times come and go, and the bad times are worse as they come. I can feel myself getting older, and every new bout of depression carries the weight…
Sanctity and Constraint 